IF.......

If I Had My Life to Live Over....

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more,
laugh and cried less while watching television and more while watching life.

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I would have invited friends over for dinner even if the carpet was stained,
the sofa faded and dinner was nothing more than tuna casserole.

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I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good' living room and worried much less
about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

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I would have taken the time to listen to my grandmother ramble about
her youth, hoping one day my granddaughter might do the same.

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I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a fresh
spring day, because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

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I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in
storage and I'd allowed my family to use those “decorative towels” in the bathroom.

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I would have played on the lawn with my children, not worrying
about grass stains, nor the laundry that wasn’t being done.

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I would have shared more of the responsibilities carried by
my husband, and hoped he would have done the same for me.

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I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the
earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

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I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
or on sale, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

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Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have

cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing
inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

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When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said,

"Later now go get washed up for dinner, or its past your bedtime!"
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I would cherish each and every moment spent with my family,
my children, and my grandchildren, knowing one day could be my last.

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I'd live by the advise of an old friend, "never judge others

by their actions while judging yourself by your intentions."

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There would have been many, many, more

"I love you's".. and just as many, "I'm sorrys"...

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I would have never wasted time, I'd realized time is the

greatest gift of all, a gift that comes your way only once.
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I’d never live my life so my choices, actions,

and reactions hurt no one, including myself.
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I would live my life not only to be human, but humane,
giving as much as I could to the humanity of mankind.
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But mostly, given another shot at life, I would embrace every minute...
look at it and really see it ... live it...and never, never give it back...........

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I found this poem in a box of my Moms. As I read it, it seemed to grab me as if parts of it was written for me. Yes, I have changed a few words and added several lines that I hope I can live by. As it seems very appropriate not only for my upcoming humanitarian trip, but the person I hope I can be for my friends, my family and myself.

A Mother's Blessing

Needless to say Mom, is not really thrilled about me going to Africa. From the day I was chosen as a team member for the upcoming January-February expedition she has tried to be enthusiastic, but she is extremely nervous about me traveling to a foreign country. Mom is also not happy about my decision to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro or to go on a photography safari. I'm not really sure if she is worried about me, or herself and not having me close by for a month. I have tried to ease her fears, by getting myself in good shape, learn the culture and a little of the language, but she is a nervous wreck about the whole idea. However, I know I will go with her blessings for a rewarding, safe trip.

Little does she know Mom, has been an amazing teacher and I admire her so much. Mom has been the rock of our family for so many years and has taught all of us right from wrong, kindness, compassionate, and to give to those less fortunate than ourselves. So without a doubt when I go to serve the women and children of Kenya, a big part of Mom will go with me. All I can say it thanks Mom for all you have done for me and your unconditional love. As a Mother, myself I have some pretty big shoes to fill. I love you, Mom!

LIFE

Life is like a grinding stone. Whether it grinds you down or

polishes you up, simply depends on what you're made of...

The curves life throws can sometimes be disheartening not once, but twice. It seems the 2002 pulmonary problems I had are weighing heavy on my decision as whether to climb or attempt to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. I recently chose to get Dr. Alward, my pulmonaligist's opinion on climbing THE mountain. After reviewing my medical records his initial opinion was he wondered is it was a good idea, stating it could be the life or death decision. However, I will undergo a CT scan, chest x-ray, and pulmonary function tests to confirm or disclaim his opinion. After nine months of mental and physical training, the big question is; will my quest to try reach the Roof of Africa all come down to the dark days of February 2002, and the damage done? I have also chosen not to let my Heptaligist know I am going to Africa, as he too I am sure will not think it is a good idea. In other words, I have to go with my gut feeling about whether this trip is good for me.

I have my trip almost half paid for and I am reaching my personal goal of collecting 100 each of crochet hooks, reading glasses, packages of colored pencils, crayons, notebooks, pens, pencils, yarn and rag dolls. My excitement continues to grow for the lives I will touch, and the lives that will not doubt touch mine.

AFRICA or BUST

Africa here I come! I recently received a letter of information concerning my upcoming expedition, a letter to give me a heads up of my role. Many folks know I am a "planner" and I like all my ducks in a role, as one of my biggest pet-peeves is being unorganized. The letter gave me a list of items and supplies I could work on now, of which I am grateful for. Though the timing will probably be better the last of January through the first of February, is also right after Christmas.
So all in one I am trying to take care of Mom, work as much as I can to pay for my trip, pay for supplies to take and buy and make Christmas gifts. So days all I can think is what would I do if I had nothing to do. Maybe have a nap would a dandy idea, but I have little time to waste.
On my list is school supplies, yarn, fabric, glasses, kids books, rag dolls, and several other things. It also ask if I had something specific I would like to take or teach. Though I haven't come up with to many ideas, I would like to possibly put together some "Compassion Kits" for those women who have AIDS. These woman have been shunned from society and have very little if not nothing. I have thought about how we women all like to smell nice, look nice, and feel nice. I thought a kit with nail polish, lotion, perfume, face cream, etc would be nice. So with that in mind along with several other things I will donate, I will try to donate kits to make so woman I don't know feel better about herself, if only for a little while.
I continue to train to climb the mountain, also I see the Pulmonaligist on September 8th, to get his advice about this crazy idea at my age, and with my past medical history. I've tried to think about what I will do if he says it could be a life threatening idea, possibly climb as high as I can and applaud my efforts, for at least I tried. I have always told Tiff & TJ, finish what you start, and just do the best you can. After all that is all you or anyone else can ask of you or you can ask of yourself.

King's Peak--Courage or Crazy--Courage In Women Is Often Mistaken For Insanity!

A couple of weeks ago Karen Boothe, my friend from work invited me, to go on a back packing trip to the Unitas, to hike Kings Peak. I jumped at the chance as this would be great training for hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro. As Kings Peak is the highest mountain in Utah at 13,528. After all I had been hiking, walking, running, swimming, and lifting weights, but I soon learned backpacking brings a whole new meaning to the word exercising. With great enthusiasm I spent $150.00 on a cute mint green, backpack especially for women. The first thing I added to my cute green pack was three small notes Tiff, TJ and Brykn had written to me. Both Tiff's & TJ's had been written several years ago, Tiff always said the "Love Notes" would keep me safe where ever I went. I have carried them with me for 18 years, and I wasn't about to leave them home. Then I proceeded to pack what I would need to be comfortable for four days in the wilderness. Comfort soon went out the window, as I had a hard time even picking up the 45 pound backpack, let alone hiking with it for four days. Several of the comforts of home stayed home as I rearrange the pack five times. I finally had the backpack weight down so I could at least get in on myself, and it was off to met my all women packing party in Salem

Day 1--5:00 a.m.
It was off to Henry's Fork in the high Unitas Mountains, enthusiasm and anticipation in tow. After a long ride we arrived at the trail head, packs on at about noon. Everyone was so excited to get going, including me, as I really didn't know what was in store of me. It was five miles of hiking a steep trail, until we found a place by the river in order to set up camp. I, myself didn't really care about being by the river, all I could think was let's just sit down!!! The tent was soon set up and then it was off to the river to filter some water to drink. My thinking was, oh those poor pioneer ancestors who pushed, pulled, and hike their way across mountain after mountain with far more than a 45 pound user friendly backpack. Dinner was a "freeze dried" meal, filling, but no T-bone steak dinner. Soon it was off to bed on my handy little Therma-Rest Pro-lite 4-mattress, and my 20 below, $200.00 down filled mummy sleeping bag. Well I'm here to tell you the mattress is no pillow top, I have bruises on my butt from the rocks under it. However, I did get my money's worth on the bag as I died of the heat. Needless, to say I slept about three hours and then it was time to get up and start up the mountain, with my inner voice loudly proclaiming OH HELL!!

Day 2--6:00 a.m.
The elevation 10,000 feet, the thick timber and ground brush made hiking difficult. Then add all the rocks, boulders, creeks, plus the mud and life soon got a bit harder. The trail, and I, use that term lightly was narrow and hard to navigate at time. All I could think when coming to a difficult area was T.J. saying “Just step and go Mom, you can do it." Why I even amazed myself at how good I got at balancing on rocks covered with moss, and I repeat not falling ONE time. Lunch was a welcome relief as I inhaled my bagel and tuna, then it was off for the last five miles of our ten mile day. At about six miles the black thunder clouds rolled in and it poured for three hours. I have become a fan of hiking, however hiking in the rain, not so much. This day we were not only putting up the tent, but putting up the tent in the cold rain. Oh HELL, what was I thinking, and where is my trailer. Truthfully, I was thinking if I had cell phone service and I knew how to tell Buck & T.J. where I was, I'd tell them to come get me. Yes, it really did cross my mind for a split second, and then it was time to get all my wet clothes off and get warm. The trick was trying to find my dry clothes in that damn green backpack. The weather cleared and dinner and a fire was enjoyed by all, or should I say the fire was used as a clothes dryer. Cindy dried her bra, and Dianna dried her socks, and Joy hung her garments over the fires heat. Soon it was bed time again; I dreaded that sucky Pro-lite air mattress, which was more like a thin ground cover mat, and my hot goose down sleeping bag. I now know why those geese fly north in the summer, all that goose down is a bit much! I again only slept about four hours, as it rained all night and my back and hips were killing me.

Day 3--6:00 a.m.
Elevation 11,100, today it was off with the backpacks, on with the fanny pack and a nine mile hike to the summit of King's Peak. I felt really good and was so glad not to have the stupid green pack on my back. Hiking to Gun-Sight Pass was really pretty easy and a gorgeous view. The problem is you get to the top of the pass and then you drop back down again, so you end up hiking the same distance twice. Finally King's Peak was in sight, majestically reaching toward the sky. Hiking was difficult as we were hiking straight up over massive boulders, snow, ice, and water. Then suddenly out of no where a huge lighting storm settled in. All I could think was too huddled under a boulder until passed. By now we are at 12,117 feet it was snowing-sleeting and cold. I was exhausted, not to mention the altitude was getting to me. My toes and fingers, were tingling and numb and my lips were blue, I was nauseated and dizzy. I got to all but 1417 feet to the top and that was good enough for me. After all for someone who had never hiked, or had been athletic, I was pleased with my hike. The storm passed after about two hours and it was back down the mountain. Karen and I took our time, enjoying the wild flowers and the beauty of the King of the Utah mountains. That evening I was more than ready for bed, even if it was like sleeping on cement. I remembered I had packed a Phenergan pill for nausea; however they make me really tired, thank God. I slept really well on my handy dandy paper thin pro-lite mattress, and my fluffy, warm sleeping bag.

Day 4--8:00 a.m. All I could think was I did all right and now it was time to head for the car. Little did I know it was going to be a nine mile hike down. We had started at the Henry's Fork made a complete circle, taking the scenic route and now we were making our way back. On our way back I heard someone or something hiking behind me, as I turned around it was a group of boy scouts and their leaders. This group also had ten goats that are used for hiking in the Unitas, complete with fifty pound packs. All I could think was for $50.00 a day I could have had two goats and no blasted green backpack. If I ever go again, me and the “Rent A Goat” business will be friends. Though hiking back down was easier on my lungs and my beastly pack was lighter, hiking down hill was killing on my toes and the balls of my feet. As we started the day the sun was shining, the birds sings, and I was pickin' em up, and puttin' em down. Then one more massive rain/hail storm hit. The trail soon ended up being a river running down the mountain and we couldn't really tell where to go. The forest suddenly took on the feeling of the Wizard of Oz, when the Cowardly Lion and the Tin-Man were in the haunted forest. The lighting suddenly struck about half mile in front of me and lite up the dark dense woods. I was cold, soaking wet and starving, what else could I go through. The lighting didn’t really faze me much, my thoughts were, Lord, if you’re going to strike me died now you’re going to have to do it on the run, because I'm damn sure am not stopping. With all the rain and bad weather I wonder if maybe the hiking God's were trying to tell me something. At any rate I was never so glad to see a parking lot in my life. I found myself some dry clothes and shoes, not to mention a dry, stale, half eaten Pop-Tart I had left in the car. Karen and the other hikers cheered and praised my hike saying I'd done totally awesome. Karen said she had never taken a first time backpacker on a thirty-five mile hike in the Unitas. Oh and by the way if one looks on KSL.com there will be a damn ugly green backpack, only used once for sale.

I really did have a pretty good time, it was without a doubt the most physically challenging thing I have ever done. I learn a great deal about myself and adversity, plus like Dad always said, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going!" I was happy with my achievement and looking back to six years ago, with clots in both lungs, who would have thought I would have been able to do what I did? Certainly not me. I have thought a lot about what I learned from this trip. Today, I will contact Dr. Alward, my Pulmonaligist and will have more pulmonary tests done to see to it is really physically possible for me to hike Kilimanjaro. After all I sure don't want to die in Africa at 19,340 feet. Then Kelli would be right they would have to rename the mountain, Mt. Kili-My-Aunt-Lauri!

A Change In Plans

A week ago I got a call from Sana, one of the founders of Africa Is Life Changing. The organization has decided for several good reasons, to changed the expedition dates to January and July. What a disappointment for me and I'm sure several others as we were to be leaving in October. For several days I considered bagging the idea, however, first of all I'm not really a quitter, and second it will give me an extra three months to prepare and earn more money to pay for this crusade I've been on. So, I will continue to move forward to fulfill a dream. Besides going in January I won't miss Jeannie's Halloween party, going to Gardiner Village with Tiffany for Witch's Night Out, the scrapbooking weekend in Birdseye with my friends, I'll be home on my 55th B-day, and I won't miss the births of the TWO new additions to our family, (Chad & Kelli's twins). Though I will continue to train to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro I will shift gears a little and not do as much running, my knees will be happier. Now I'm looking at some weight lifting classes and I have joined Curves simply to keep me going so I don't lose interest, but there are days when I wonder if I have lost my mind.

Thanks Tiff for the extra encouragement and reminding me of a poem I gave you years ago, while in college, entitled "Don't Quit!" I will keep plugging along and your right three more months is simply a small speck of time in the big picture of life.

Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

when the road you're trudging seems all up hill.

When the funds are low, and the debts are high,

and you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with it's twists and turns,

as everyone of us sometimes learns.

And many a failure turns about,

when he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow,

you may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,

the silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

it may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,

it's when things seem worse,

that you must not quit....Edgar A. Guest

Every Cloud Has A SILVER Lining

On June 22nd Jeannie had a grand idea to hike to Silver Lake, up American Fork Canyon. I was game along with Lynn, and Buck. The weather was a bit warm so we got an early start at 8am. Jeannie & Lynn had been there before on horses, but had never hiked it a foot. Needless, to say we were in for a pretty good hike. The trail was good, with the exception of a couple of creeks we had to do a balancing act to get across. The area was absolutely beautiful and we could see Timp from the back side. Everything was bright green with several different species of wild flowers that almost looked fake. There was also tons, and I mean tons of large granite boulders, that sparkled in the sun light all the way to the top of the mountain. At about 8500 feet both Jeannie and I started to get a bit of a headache and fatigue. I soon realized it was altitude illness, something that has worried me all along in hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro. After a short rest the four of us kept hiking until we reached the top of the back side of Lone-Peak. What a breath taking sight Silver Lake was, with the snow coming right down to the edges of the water and the reflection of the mountain in the lake. It was a long, steep hike, but well worth it. That old saying every cloud has a silver lining was so true, as we all soon forgot how tired our legs were when we seen Silver Lake. The day was so fun, we seen a couple of moose, caught a couple fish, had a picnic, and tested my water filter. Thanks to Jeannine for suggesting the hike and Buck and Lynn for going with me. Hopefully, I will be more prepared for the 50 mile hike in Africa, thanks to every ones willingness to join the fun.